


Nothing Really Matters

by Commander_H



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 10:19:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8009860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Commander_H/pseuds/Commander_H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 and a half years ago, Clarke chose Finn and broke Lexa's heart. Lexa built herself a new life, far away from anything to do with Clarke, and she was doing great, really, till a car accident and a late night phone call changed everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I could say I knew for certain where this was going to go, but I had the idea and wanted to get it posted up before I changed my mind.

-PRESENT-

You're jarred from sleep as the car you've been traveling in since the airport, some two or three hours ago, comes to a jerky stop. You glance down at the sleeping girl who's sprawled halfway on/halfway off your lap and adjust the blanket that's covering her, brushing some hair out of her face. After you're sure she's still asleep, you pick up your phone and shoot a quick text off, letting your sister know that you're close and then glance out of the window. Even though you're still in the middle of the freeway, you're momentarily sickened and disgusted with yourself to see you know exactly where you are, even after 5 1/2 years and so many attempts at trying to forget. 

You hadn't wanted to come home. You'd said no to every single fucking person who'd called you to notify you about him dying and his upcoming funeral. Octavia and Raven had tag teamed twice and you hadn't wavered. You hadn't wanted to care. How could you? You were still so god damn disgusted that even hearing his name made you angrier than you could even begin to describe. That you were STILL so fucking angry at him even though he was dead and you should have let it go so long ago. You should have let it all go so many years ago when you were crying on her porch, listening to her choose him. Listening to her letting you go. Listening to her tell you she hadn't meant to feel this way. Listening to her say she loved you, but she thought that she was in love with him. You couldn't deal with still being so fucking angry at him and at yourself for being angry at a dead guy. So you did what you did best. You put up your stone cold front and left it at that. You weren't called Commander for nothing, after all. And it would have worked, too. It was working so well. Until a week later when her mom called you so late at night that you hadn't even thought to check the caller ID on your phone because it was so loud and you were so asleep and didn't want the girl tucked into your side to wake up, too. It would have worked until her mom called you and everything changed. 

Abby Griffin might as well have been your own mother for the amount of time you'd spent at her house. You'd essentially lived there since junior high before you and Clarke had...before you and Clarke had been anything. Before you and Clarke had been everything. Abby had been more of a mother to you than your mom had ever tried to be. She had been one of the only people that had mattered to you. And she still was. So when she called you sounded utterly defeated and Clarke's name spilled from her lips, your resolve crumbed. You'd never, ever been able to refuse Abby or Clarke anything. Why would you start now?

You'd packed your things, quickly, quietly, fingers crossed that Costia wouldn't wake up before you were done. You'd leave a note, you reasoned. She didn't HAVE to make the trip with you. There wasn't a reason for that. She had work. She had a life. And she didn't deserve to see the look on your face when you saw Clarke for the first time in so long. It made you sick to even acknowledge this, so you quickly pushed it out of your mind and threw some more clothes in your suitcase. Almost home free. Almost. Almost until your cat, Heda, darted into the room under your feet and screamed like you were trying to kill her when you came down onto her tail. 

You froze, cursing under your breath, as Costia flipped over and her arm shot out to pat your side of the bed, eyes opening when she realized you weren't laying beside her. "Baby?" she murmured, sitting up slowly, eyes trying to adjust in the dim light of the early morning. "Right here," you reassured her, dropping your handful of underwear and crawling back into bed, slowly and deliberately avoiding her outstretched hand. "I have to go home," you start, unable to meet her eye, "An old...an old friend died and I have to go back for his funeral. I didn't want to wake you. I was going to leave a note. I won't be gone that long. Maybe a week at the most and I don't want to pull you out of work. I know you have your regional meeting coming up and..." You trail off, hoping to god she doesn't read between the lines and understand what you're trying so desperately to keep pushed down. 

She sits up and turns to look at you, trying to process what you're saying while shaking off her sleepiness. She looks so god damn gorgeous and perfect that you can't resist leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead and then her cheek. "It's only for a week, babe. I'll be back before you know it and I'll still have time to drive you to the airport for your meeting. I promise." She frowns and shakes her head. "You can't go back home, after so long, for a funeral of all things, by yourself. What kind of girlfriend would I be to let you just hop a plane? Bye, Lex, hope the funeral doesn't suck?" She smiles a little and you can tell she's trying to diffuse your nerves and you love her for it, but at the same time you're terrified to bring her along. You're terrified that you haven't moved on. You're terrified that you KNOW you haven't moved on. That the life you have here is second best to the one you were meant to have with Clarke. Regardless of how much you love her, you're always going to love Clarke more. 

But, words have never been your strong suite and that's exactly why you end up booking two tickets and why you presently have her lying against your lap. Your phone chimes with Anya's response, a quick "k" and then chimes again with a text, a long text, from Abby that makes your stomach flip. "Clarke doesn't know you're coming; I didn't want to tell her and have her discourage me from asking you to come out here. I know she needs you, but I also know she's too afraid to ask. I'm hoping you'll want to stop by the house first, but if you end up at the hotel, call me, okay honey?" 

It hadn't occurred to you that Clarke wouldn't be aware of your immanent arrival, but it's much too late to back out now. You're momentarily disgusted with yourself; with how her name sets your hearts beat up a pace. How you still get those stupid silly butterflies. How you can still feel her lips pressed against yours. You set your phone back into the space between your thigh and Costia's shoulder and lean back in the seat. Fuck. You're fucked. So utterly fucked and you hadn't even seen her yet.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the encouragement, guys! I'm typing this up as I go, so I'll try for regular updates, but no promises. This one is slightly shorter than the first, but yeah. Hope you enjoy chapter 2. (:

-PRESENT-

You sit, heart and mind racing, till you realize the car has stopped and Costia is waking up. The driver opens your door and you smile at him despite yourself. The Dragonfly Inn is exactly how you'd remembered it. It was in the center of town and one of the only historical buildings that the planning committee hadn't had the heart to tear down. It was huge, with a wrap around porch and big trees standing firmly throughout the property. The paint was starting to fade again, as it tended to every fall, and you wonder if Maya Vie's father is still in charge of the maintenance. 

You have so many memories here and as they all start to run through your mind. You can see Clarke everywhere. Feel Clarke everywhere. And then, just as it's almost too much, Costia comes up beside you and takes your hand, snapping you out of your memory induced Clarke stupor. 

"This is nice," she says grinning, "You've got good taste, Lex." She leans in and kisses you quickly. You flash her what you hope is a convincing smile and pull her along behind you as you follow your driver inside the inn with your bags. You're hardly halfway inside when you're ambushed, quite literally, by a blur of a person jumping at you. "Octavia," you laugh, more excited to see her than you thought you'd be and glance around the room for Raven, who you find sitting off the foyer in the little bar. 

"Reyes," you say, nodding in her direction. "Everett," she responds, standing and starting towards you. Octavia slides off of you and grins at her girlfriend. "I TOLD you she'd pick the Dragonfly, baby." Raven rolls her eyes and pulls you into her arms, squeezing you. "You look good, Lexa," she mumbles into your ear, "We've really, really missed you." "I've missed you, too," you respond automatically. But you have. You really have. 

"Wait," you say as O's words register. "How long have you guys been here?" "Long enough!" Octavia laughs and then her eyes dart to Costia. "And who's this?" Costia glances at you, confused. "I'm Lexa's girlfriend?" "Girlfriend?" Raven and Octavia share a glance. "Abby didn't mention you had a girlfriend, Lex." "Who is Abby?" Costia asks, her confusion still etched all over her face. "Abby Griffin?" Raven tells her, trying to be helpful. "You know, Clarke's mom?" Your stomach drops. Raven glances at you and you can tell she knows. She knows you haven't told Costia about Clarke and she knows you didn't tell Costia who's funeral you were here for. "Lexa," Costia starts, and you can tell she can read your expression, "Who is Clarke?" 

It hits you then, as it should have hours before, that this whole trip was very poorly planned and you're starting to realize you've made a mistake. You didn't need to come back for this. You didn't need to bring Costia into it. You hadn't needed to come back. Finn was nothing to you. Not anymore, anyway. He'd burned that bridge the second he and Clarke started sleeping together. The second your whole life had been turned upside down. 

If your phone had been down, you'd have missed Abby's call and you'd be back home now. But your phone had been up. And you weren't home. You were here. And for the second time in less than 24 hours, you realize that you are so beyond fucked.


End file.
